It's just stuff

“It’s just stuff,” is what my husband tells me, and it's what I cheerfully tell everyone else when I relay stories about my kids’ impromptu felt marker drawings on the wall behind the armchair, on my custom-made sofa, on my newly refinished hardwood floors, and on the kitchen cabinets.

On the outside, I’m nonchalant. On the inside, I’m seething. Grrrrrr.

That is until I discovered Magic Eraser by Mr. Clean. It’s a treated sponge that magically erases stuff like felt marker drawings from all kinds of surfaces including walls, cabinets, hardwood floors, and even upholstery!

Try it. It really works. It’s this parent’s answer to the case of the grouchies that I get when I discover another ill-placed work of art.

Ewwww...

What's more disgusting than the taste of vomit in your mouth? The taste of someone else's vomit in your mouth.

How on earth can one get another person's vomit in one's mouth? If that other person is your baby and you're foolishly throwing baby up in the air only an hour after he/she's eaten. Believe me, I've done it and it's enough to make you, well, retch.

Penis envy

"Peeeeeeeeeee-nis, where aaaaaaaaaare yoooooooou," she calls as she searches for an appendage between her legs.

She is my 22-month-old daughter Lauren. And she wishes she had a penis just like her older brother.

She tries to pee standing up by the toilet -- I have to admit she's pretty good at it considering that she doesn't actually have a penis. Somehow she manages to shoot out the pee in front of her.

Sometimes at the dinner table, she'll ask each diner if he/she has a penis in a tone that you'd imagine a server would use to ask if you want coffee. "Penis?" Lauren says as she points to each person.

You can't make this stuff up any better!

To have or not to have?

Before I had kids, I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted them. So, I made a pros and cons list. But my cons list was longer than my pros list by a mile. Go figure. You simply don't know what the pros are until you are a parent yourself.

My cons included
1. Less time to travel
With my little ones, a walk around the block yields more wonders than I can remember from any one of my vacations as a single person. Through their eyes, I see everything anew.

2. Labour and delivery is painful
Well, this one is tough to get around. Yes, it is painful. But after you have your kids, the labour and delivery becomes a tiny little blip in the road of parenthood. What's more painful is seeing your child getting hurt.

3. I won't be able to work as much
Spoken like a person who knows not the round-the-clock job that is parenthood. Once you become a parent, suddenly you've got a job that has never worked you harder.

4. My husband and I won't be able to spend as much time together alone
True. But my husband and I figured it out. We made it a priority to nurture our marriage. We spend less time together if you add up the minutes, but we have figured out to make those minutes count.

5. I don't know how to take care of a baby
No one just 'knows' how to do this without learning it from somewhere or someone. Read magazines, check out websites, talk to other moms, ask your health professionals. Find out as much as you can and follow your gut.

Who will take the kids?

I think having a legal will drawn up, especially when you have children, is a must-have. In case something happens and you are unable to take care of your children, you want to ensure that your children are placed in the care of people whom you trust and with whom you are comfortable.

But how do you determine who is an appropriate guardian for your kids? Your single bachelor-for-life brother whose biggest commitment to date was to a carton of milk in his fridge? Or your 75-year-old mother-in-law who is a great grandmother but whose health is failing? What about your always-exhausted, overburdened cousin who is a great mother but has four children of her own and has trouble making ends meet? Go through your own family list and roster of close friends, and you may be striking off more names than you thought. Suddenly your third cousin twice-removed, whom you've met twice, becomes a candidate.

Canadian Parents (www.canadianparents.com) offers some tips on how to choose an appropriate guardian for your children:
• The prospective guardian must be over 18 years of age in most provinces. Choosing a much older guardian may not be wise either. Keep in mind that this guardian may have to be there for your child for years to come.
• Consider whether this person physically, emotionally and financially capable of handling the job of parenting?
• Does this person have the time to take on the responsibility of your family.
• Can your children stay together? This is what most parents want.
• Does the guardian share your moral and religious beliefs? Can he or she raise your children to share your values?
• Is your prospective guardian a parent already? Will this factor into how your children are cared for?
• Does this person want this responsibility? The person may not be willing or able to accept your offer.

If you don’t legally name a guardian for your kids, the courts will choose for you. Says Canadian Parent, “If you don't name a guardian, anyone who is interested can request the position. Then a judge must decide who will get your kids and you won't be there to offer your opinion.”

He did it!

My four-year-old boy climbed the Grouse Grind this past weekend. And he climbed the whole way up all by himself. His first words to me, after reaching the end of his ascent: “Mommy, I didn’t cry, and I didn’t whine, and I didn’t scream. And I still have energy!”

For weeks, our boy Benjamin had been bugging us to take him up the Grouse Grind. He’d seen Daddy do it so many times. After a lot of thought, we finally decided to let him give it a try. Our biggest worry was that he wouldn’t be able to finish it, either because of boredom or physical stamina. But because he was so insistent on trying it, we decided to let him do it.

Before the ascent, we had prepped him for the climb up, telling him that the climb up was probably going to be hard. We also told him that if he wanted to do the Grind, he had to promise not to whine, cry or scream (which is what he usually does when he’s frustrated or objecting to something). With big, honest eyes, he said, “I won’t Mommy. I promise.”

With that, he climbed with Daddy for two hours. During the ascent, he ate a sandwich, drank all of his water, announced that he had to poop halfway up (though, after looking around at all the people, he lost his nerve and decided he could wait), and talked to fellow climber about ascending the Grind one day and winning “the gold medal.”

I don’t know if the Grouse Grind is for everyone – whether child or adult. But my four-year-old surprised me by conquering it. Just goes to show us parents that you should never underestimate your children!