Happy send-offs

When I leave the house, my three-year-old ensures I get every imaginable send-off. They include:

1. Merry Christmas! (It doesn’t matter that it is spring right now.)
2. Happy New Year! (Same as above.)
3. Have a good day!
4. Get a deal! (He used to say this only to Daddy whose job is to “get deals,” but the send-off is now also applicable to me.)
5. I hope nobody calls you bad! (For a three-year-old whose perception is probably that he keeps getting in trouble, this is the ultimate send-off. For the record, I don’t call him “bad,” only the unacceptable behaviour.)
6. Don’t drive on the sidewalk and hit any people! (Does this mean he thinks I’m a bad driver?)

Each of these is said in the same lilting, upbeat manner that one would say “Merry Christmas!” And all of them are always uttered in almost one breath, screamed out the door as I head to my car. It’s a great way to start the morning. Try some of these on your adult friends. :)

The value of money

Last weekend, my three-year-old ‘earned’ $5 from Paw-Paw (that’s Chinese for maternal grandmother) for ‘helping’ his much older cousin mow her lawn. My son was thrilled with the earnings and announced that he wanted to spend it right away at the store.

We made it a learning opportunity. I took him to the dollar store where he decided (with my guidance of course – that ceramic frog with the fish on a hook didn’t seem a very good buy) what he wanted to buy. Because he had $5 and because we were at a dollar store, he knew he could buy exactly five things. He carefully counted off each item on his fingers as he shopped.

It was a great experience.

You're not alone

Most moms spend their days changing diapers, mashing baby food, curbing tantrums, playing with baby/toddler, and doing laundry – all without making contact with another adult for days on end.

If you’re one of these moms, visit www.westcoastmoms.ca. The new website, targeted at moms living in B.C., gives mothers a place to share their experiences and glean from others’, a listing of events, an e-newsletter, as well as articles on mommy-relevant topics including relationships, parenting and fitness. Whether you’re living in an urban centre, or in a rural community, check out www.westcoastmoms.ca to help you feel more connected.

The unkindest cut of all

The unkindest cut of all… was dealt by Mommy (me!) holding a pair of scissors over my three-year-old’s unruly head of hair. In a moment of overconfidence (I had trimmed my boy’s hair before and it looked pretty good) in my haircutting ability and exasperation with my son’s mullet-wannabe ‘do’, I did my best imitation of Edward Scissorhands and let the blades fly.

Before the trimmings hit the floor, I regretted what I’d done. I managed somehow to cut a bald spot at the back of my son’s head, right by the nape of his neck. Oops. Don’t try to even it out, I chanted to myself, remembering all the stories from my sisters (moms too) who made things worse by trying to ‘fix it.’ Wait a sec, maybe the inability to cut hair is a genetic disorder in my family…?

And so, the bald spot remains. It is no worse. But it certainly is no better than the day I cut it into existence. Luckily his three-year-old playmates aren’t at the age of cruelty yet – they couldn’t care less about his lopsided hair much less tease him about it.

On the other hand, my husband, who, no matter how hard I try to get him to notice that I’ve parted my hair on a different side (for heaven’s sake, a part on the opposite side looks totally different, I don’t care what he says), notices little to do with hair, promptly pointed out the SPOT.

Let this be a lesson to all you parents who endeavour to cut your child’s hair and who lack the skills: leave it to the professionals!

Working at home with kids

This morning, I spent about 30 minutes trying to convince my crying three-year-old son that Mommy needed to go downstairs to her home office to work.

Working at home is great when you've got kids -- it offers flexibility and generally gives you more time with your kids. But when I'm just one hour into my workday at home, and fending off my son for the 50th time, working away from the home in an office building sounds pretty good.

We have a part-time caregiver who comes into our home to play with the kids while Mommy works. And that helps tremendously. But there are days that I'm on my own with the kids and trying to juggle their needs with what I have to do in my office. It's crazy. I can offer a few tips to help increase your productivity as a parent who works in the home with your children around.

1) Have toys in the office for your kids to play with. For my baby and toddler, the toys occupy them for about 10 minutes -- sounds like so little, but every second counts!
2) Take a break every once in a while to play with your kids. That means don't answer calls, don't check your email -- just play with them. For young kids like mine, breaks have to come every 15 minutes or so. Older kids will be able to entertain themselves for longer without a parent's undivided attention.
3) Work when your kids are asleep. This will only work for duties that don't have a time stamp on them (e.g. a phone interview you've scheduled at 11 a.m. may not work if your kids decide they don't want to sleep just then).
4) RELAX and BREATHE. Every day, I stress myself out over the things that didn't get done. But I am comparing what I didn't get done to what I did get done before I had kids. Know and accept that when you work at home with the kids around, your productivity will dip well below the 30% line. Set your goals a little lower and go with it.

A little bubbly

On a particularly rainy and cold day a couple of weeks ago, my three-year-old and 13-month-old blew bubbles in the bathtub. I didn’t have store-bought bubble solution on hand, but managed to make some out of ordinary liquid dishwashing detergent.

1 part liquid dishwashing detergent
1 part water

Pour water into a cup. Then add dishwashing detergent. Stir until frothy. Dip your favourite wands and blow away. Tip: It’s probably best to steer clear of the dishwashing detergent that has bleach in it!

Imperfect parent

A few months ago, I quietly admitted to a friend, “Sometimes, I don’t like being a mother.” Her answer, “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you do!” shut me up quickly and made me resolve to keep my feelings to myself from then on. I must be the only one that feels this way, I thought. But I can’t be.

Yes, sometimes I pine for my zippy two-door Honda Civic and my condo in Kitsilano. Sometimes, spending days on end with just my kids is really, really hard. And sometimes I wish I weren’t a mother because some days are so darn challenging with the kids.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. I don’t love anything or anyone more than I love my children.

But it’s okay to admit that you sometimes long for a day or two as a childless person again, or that you get tired or frustrated being a parent.

And I think the answer (and I’m planning on putting this to the test!) is to find other parents to hang out with once in a while. Schedule a playdate with your friends’ kids so you can your friends can sit back a bit and enjoy a well-deserved cup of coffee.

Sibling sleep issues

My 13-month-old wakes up every morning at about 4:30 a.m. with cries so loud that she wakes her older brother (who is normally a very good sleeper needing 11 hours a night)! And of course once he's awake, he can't go back to sleep even though he hasn't got all the sleep he needs to function through the day. This makes for a very miserable day for him. I am looking at the pile of toys in my bedroom right now -- it's the pile of toys that we took away from my son in a desperate attempt to get him to listen to us and stop whining. It didn't work of course because the reason he is so disagreeable is that he didn't get enough sleep from the night before.

Has anyone else had this problem? Moving my children farther apart (they sleep in neighbouring rooms right now) isn't a possibility. I can't be the only parent with this problem...?!

Shopping heaven

I really love shopping. From the time I was nine years old and eagerly spending my allowance money on my growing Hello Kitty collection to when I got my first real job after graduating from university.

Shopping was always fun until I had kids and found it more and more difficult to get out the door without being saddled down with an overflowing diaper bag, a stroller, and various snacks to pre-empt any tantrums. Pretty soon, the two-hour process it took for me to get out the door, the unpredictability of my kids’ moods, and the fact that many shopping malls and areas just didn’t seem kid-friendly, stopped me from going out altogether. I just stopped shopping, save for trips to Save-On-Foods or London Drugs.

Then I discovered Coquitlam Centre shopping mall. What a find! In the centre of the mall, there is a supervised indoor kids’ playground, where for just a $1, toddlers can play to their heart’s content as one parent looks on (you can’t just leave your kids to the supervision of the staff) and the other (me!) shops sans kids. The playground at Coquitlam Centre is clean, supervised by attentive staff, and a really wonderful service for parents who need a little break. And after you’re done shopping, there is a large food fair to feed everyone in your family.

Other malls I’ve visited usually have some form of the kid playground idea, but none were worthy of mention until Coquitlam Centre.

What’s your favourite family-friendly mall? Which mall do you absolutely hate the most when it comes to family-friendly amenities?

Burnt out Mommy

I watched my first full episode of Crash Test Mommy (Life Network) this past weekend. If you’re not familiar with the show, it’s a reality-based series that invites real-life mothers to come on the show and ‘trade lives’ with someone in their life who thinks he/she could do a better job at taking care of the kids, the house etc. Basically, it’s meant to teach a lesson to those who dish out the criticism (or those who don’t appreciate the work being done) by giving them a day or two in Mom’s shoes. At the end of the episode I watched, the unappreciated got appreciated and there were tears and hugs all around. Mom’s work was finally understood.

I am one of those mommies pre-a Crash Test Mommy intervention. As a working mother with two jobs and freelance gigs on the side, I am responsible for more of the housework, meal preparation and kid care than my significant other. This bothers, not to mention exhausts, me.

I’d like to think the division of household chores is at around 50/50 for most couples – or if it isn’t 50/50, the division is perceived as fair by each spouse. I’m not sure what I’ve got in my home, but whatever it is, it ain’t workin’.

In my home and in my mind, the division of household chores is a very hot topic. So I imagine it must be a hot topic for families everywhere. So how do you divide the household chores in your house? Do you think it’s fair? What would you prefer? Is the division of household chores even an issue in your home?